


Inspect Your Quadrants

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Homestuck
Genre: All The Ships, All The Vacillation, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Ashen-Black Vacillation, Ashen-Pale Vacillation, Ashen-Red Vacillation, Black-Ashen Vacillation, Black-Pale Vacillation, Black-Red Vacillation, F/F, F/M, Humans with Quadrants, M/M, Multi, Original Characters - Freeform, Pale-Ashen Vacillation, Pale-Black Vacillation, Pale-Red Vacillation, Quadrant Clusterfuck, Red-Ashen Vacillation, Red-Black Vacillation, Red-Pale Vacillation, THEY ARE ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS, TOO MUCH CURSING??, TV Show, too many ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 21:12:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3303614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't like this," she said, and you had to agree.</p><p>Reality TV shows weren't entertaining when you were in them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ship List

Hello there! This is the FINAL ship list for the story. It's going to be indescribably long, and if you don't know which I'm talking about - the list or the story - I can tell you that it's both. Updates will be slow but will be faster upon reaching the second week of March. 

So, here we go. Remember that some of these ships are either from the past, unrequited, or just mentioned. I haven't labeled them as such, though, because I'm a little shit.

 

**Matespritship**

Original Female Character/Dirk Strider  
Original Female Character/Dave Strider  
Rose Lalonde/Jade Harley  
Roxy Lalonde/Jane Crocker  
John Egbert/America (Hetalia: Axis Powers)  
England (Hetalia: Axis Powers)/Female France (Hetalia: Axis Powers)  
Jake English/Canada (Hetalia: Axis Powers)  
Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido  
Gamzee Makara/Tavros Nitram  
Karkat Vantas/Nepeta Leijon  
Vriska Serket/Kanaya Maryam  
Eridan Ampora/Terezi Pyrope  
Equius Zahhak/Feferi Peixes  
Cronus Ampora/Damara Megido  
Rufioh Nitram/Horuss Zahhak  
Kurloz Makara/Mituna Captor  
Kankri Vantas/Meulin Leijon  
Porrim Maryam/Latula Pyrope  
Meenah Peixes/Aranea Serket  
Caliborn/Calliope  
Roxy Lalonde/Original Female Character  
Dirk Strider/Dave Strider  
America (Hetalia: Axis Powers)/Female France (Hetalia: Axis Powers)  
Dirk Strider/Jake English  
Dirk Strider/Roxy Lalonde  
Jake English/Jane Crocker  
Sollux Captor/Feferi Peixes  
Eridan Ampora/Feferi Peixes  
Karkat Vantas/Terezi Pyrope  
Vriska Serket/Nepeta Leijon  
Meenah Peixes/Vriska Serket  
Rufioh Nitram/Damara Megido  
Kurloz Makara/Meulin Leijon  
Cronus Ampora/Kankri Vantas  
Porrim Maryam/Aranea Serket  
Roxy Lalonde/Calliope  
Jane Crocker/Calliope  
  


  **Moirallegiance**

Original Female Character/Original Female Chacter  
Dirk Strider/Roxy Lalonde  
Dave Strider/Jane Crocker  
Rose Lalonde/John Egbert  
Jake English/Jade Harley  
America (Hetalia: Axis Powers)/Female France (Hetalia: Axis Powers)  
England (Hetalia: Axis Powers)/Canada (Hetalia: Axis Powers)  
Terezi Pyrope/Aradia Megido  
Tavros Nitram/Vriska Serket  
Sollux Captor/Feferi Peixes  
Karkat Vantas/Kanaya Maryam  
Equius Zahhak/Nepeta Leijon  
Gamzee Makara/Eridan Ampora  
Porrim Maryam/Kankri Vantas  
Cronus Ampora/Mituna Captor  
Horuss Zahhak/Meulin Leijon  
Caliborn/Calliope  
Dave Strider/John Egbert  
John Egbert/Jade Harley  
Dirk Strider/Dave Strider  
  


**Auspisticism**

Original Female Character/Female France (Hetalia: Axis Powers)/Roxy Lalonde  
Nepeta Leijon/Kanaya Maryam/Terezi Pyrope  
Vriska Serket/Feferi Peixes/Aradia Megido  
Tavros Nitram/Eridan Ampora/Equius Zahhak  
Sollux Captor/Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas  
Damara Megido/Kankri Vantas/Rufioh Nitram  
Kurloz Makara/Meulin Leijon/Kurloz Makara  
Vriska Serket/Meenah Peixes/Aranea Serket  
Vriska Serket/Kanaya Maryam/Eridan Ampora

 

**Kismesissitude**

Eridan Ampora/Vriska Serket  
Equius Zahhak/Aradia Megido  
Original Female Character/Roxy Lalonde  
Original Female Character/Dirk Strider  
Tavros Nitram/Aradia Megido  
Sollux Captor/Vriska Serket  
Karkat Vantas/Terezi Pyrope  
Eridan Ampora/Nepeta Leijon  
Kanaya Maryam/Feferi Peixes  
Equius Zahhak/Gamzee Makara  
Meenah Peixes/Aranea Serket  
Eridan Ampora/Vriska Serket

 

That's it. I hope you enjoy the story! The prologue will be posted soon. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHAT HAPPENS:  
> \- > Arthur and Francine make Matthew sick.  
> \- > A customer pulls out Lucy's greatest weakness on her.  
> \- > Matthew finds a few application forms.

doublextwoMaple [DM]  began whispering to  logicalHexation [LH].

DM: Ana   
DM: Where is Lucy   
LH: She went out to work.   
LH: You _do_ know that it's Friday, right?  
DM: Um  
DM: I think you know the answer to that  
LH: Of course. Why are you looking for her, though?  
DM: I need help for something  
LH: And what might that be?  
DM: Cooking  
LH: Oh.  
LH: I'm going to pretend that that doesn't sting.  
DM: Sorry  
LH: It's fine. Why didn't you ask Francine?  
DM: Shes with Arthur at the moment and I dont feel like walking in on them right now  
LH: _Oh._  
LH: I'll try to get them to stop, then.  
DM: Thanks Ana  
DM: Youre going to get pancakes for that  
LH: Oh, it's nothing. Thank you for the offer.  
LH: I'll be off now. Bye.

logicalHexation [LH]  ceased whispering to  doublextwoMaple.

* * *

Lucy F. Jones smoothed down her skirt and promptly propped her elbows up on the counter. So far, nobody had come in, and so far, it looked like nobody was going to. Scowling, she blew a bubble with the gum in her mouth. You'd think that she would enjoy having nothing to do all day, but she hated being bored. Doing work was _way_ better than having to sit and do nothing.

As if the gods had answered her calls, the door opened, causing the bells above it to chime. Quickly, she popped the bubble and stood up straight. Hey, she might as well treat the customer all nice. After all, she rarely got them. And anybody who came to a 90's themed diner would be an old geezer, probably, or a mom with kids.

Sadly, she was incorrect.

The customer turned out to be a guy just her age. His hair was platinum-colored, and he was wearing a pair of shades that she would associate with the word 'coolkid'. And to be frank, he was kinda hot. _Kinda._ He was wearing a shirt with red long sleeves and a broken record disk on it. A bit too cliche for her tastes, but still, hot. He slipped into one of the booths, which reminded her that, yes, she was a waitress, and she had to wait on this strangely hot guy. She watched a bit as he flicked over the menu, set it down, and just waited.

 _Okay, Lucy, play it cool, play it like you do not like him at all,_ she chanted in her head. She sighed, just to make it seem like so, and skated over. Yeah, skated. The diner had wanted the waitresses to wear rollerblades, which she didn't mind. She loved them, to be honest. She made it to his table, and pulled out a pen and a notepad from her pocket. "So, what do ya want?" She kept her eyes trained on the paper, trying very hard not to look at his _very attractive_ face.

"Scrambled eggs, and apple juice," he said, and seemed kind of surprised when she didn't balk or anything. Uh, so, yeah, apple juice was what he wanted. She didn't give a frick about that. Nodding, she wrote it down, but his voice made her pause. "And one of the desserts."

"Dude, I'm not sure if you know," Lucy said carefully, "but we don't have any desserts." She turned away the nagging thought that he just _smirked_ because he certainly did not.

"Sorry, thought you were on sale," he shrugged. Oh, yeah, he was _smirking,_ the cocky bastard. "My mistake." Although it was kind of a smooth move, she didn't think he'd be the kind of guy to just hit on her directly. Jesus. She finished writing his order, like nothing had happened, like she wasn't flushed red. She then informed him that he could get his drink from the machine nearby, and rolled away as fiercely as she could.

After she gave the nearly-asleep cook the order, she tucked herself in the corner of the kitchen. God, she was still blushing. How the fuck did he know she liked pickup lines? Slightly freaked, she dug her phone out and opened up Pesterchum.

starsofStripes [SS] began screeching at  logicalHexation [LH].

LH: Hi, you've reached Anastasia Kirkland. Unfortunately for you, she is idle, and has left her laptop open. But not to fret! You may just leave a message.  
SS: wtf ana its 9:30 am and u cant respond to me this is bullcrap

starsofStripes [SS] ceased screeching at  logicalHexation [LH].

Fuck Ana. Maybe she could try Matthew, Francine, and if she was sinking to the low, Arthur. But sadly, they were all off. Someone was on though. Lucy groaned. She was really sinking down to the fucking core if she would be talking to her brother. But hell, she was desperate.

starsofStripes [SS] began screeching at  stripesofStars [SS].

SS: ALFRED I NEED GODDANG RELATIONSHIP ADVICE AND ANA IS ON AND NOBODY IS ON I NEED HELP GOD  
SS: calm your tits sis lol  
SS: what is it that u decided to seek the advice of THE relationship god  
SS: ugh you are such a dickbagg   
SS: anyway some admittedly hot douche just dropped pickup line on me   
SS: oooh pickupline guy has ballz  
SS: so watcha watcha want  
SS: i need you to like find his pesterchum??   
SS: what why   
SS: JUST DO IT U DOUCHE OMG  
SS: lolol fine u could have just told me u were on ur period  
SS: i will gut you alive  
SS: i love u too baby sis  
SS: for the last time im fucking older  
SS: whatever u say  
SS: so his pesterchum id is turntechGodhead  
SS: ty bruh baii 

starsofStripes [SS]  ceased screeching at  stripesofStars [SS].

Alfred was a bitch, but his hacker skills came in handy sometimes. Lucy memorized the chumhandle and placed her phone back in her pocket. She passed through the door, and returned to the counter. The guy was still sitting there, but now he was listening to music with his headphones. With a little grin, she realized that she also liked headphones. The cook's fat, heavy grunt shook her out of her infatuated daze. Smile now faded, she took the plate and the juice and waltzed off to the table.

"Thanks for orderin', sweetie," she said, in the best waitress voice she could manage, and placed his order on the table. "Just hold your hand up when you're done."

"Sure thing, _sweetheart_ ," he replied, and began to dig in. She rolled her eyes at the ferocity of which he ate (even though she ate just like him) and returned to the counter. She had other things to do now.

* * *

One moment, he was listening to his sick jams. Suddenly, a beeping noise ensued, and it interrupted his beats for a moment. Frowning, he checked the notification from his phone. Pesterchum. Someone had just added him. What the hell? He never gave his chumhandle out. Slightly curious, he accepted the request from "starsofStripes". Obviously, this guy was insanely patriotic. That was cool, he guessed.

Almost immediately, SS pestered - no, "screeched" at him.

starsofStripes [SS]  began screeching at turntechGodhead [TG] .

SS: enjoying your food are you  
TG: what the hell how did you get my chumhandle  
SS: my bros are douche but hes boss at hacking  
SS: just enjoy your meal dude  
SS: cant keep callin you dude all the time tho  
SS: wats ur name sweetie  
TG: its dave  
TG: let me listen to my sick beats man  
TG: youre hot but damn im dying here   
SS: sure thang bby  
SS: its lucy btw  
SS: and i know im hella hot  
SS: baii

starsofStripes [SS]  ceased screeching at turntechGodhead [TG] .

He stared at his phone. That was a girl, man. When he looked up, she winked at him and disappeared into the kitchen, hips swaying as she went.

_Hot damn._

* * *

Gagging, Matthew Williams stepped away from the dense hell called his cousins' bedroom. How those two managed to even kiss with them being second-hand cousins, he didn't want to know. He stared accusingly at the retreating figure of one Anastasia Kirkland, who was laughing. "You said they were done!" he called out.

"They were done when I left," she replied. "Sad to say, they just move quick. And come quick, apparently." She seemed to grimace at the thought of her brother and his matesprit engaging in intercourse, and he couldn't blame her. Those two were sick, perverted, and sadly, kinky. "I'm going to check on my Pesterchum. Lucy was messaging me."

A moan came from the room he'd just walked out of. "You aren't just going to leave me alone, are you?" he asked, trying to look as pitiful as possible. Ana gave him a sad smile.

"I apologize, but I really have to talk to her. She gets agitated when I don't respond."

Matthew thought quick. And then, the most genius thought came to his head: "I'll take you to the bookstore," he proposed, and his cousin's eyes gleamed.

"I suppose I _can_ talk to Lucy on the way," she conceded.

* * *

The entire ride was starting to make Matthew sickly. Normally, Ana didn't drive like her moirail, but considering where they were going, he figured he could cut her some slack. Or not. It was just the bookstore, after all, but if he'd said that to her, she'd make him her kismesis in no time flat. He shuddered at the thought. Whoever became her kismesis would have to keep up with her first, and that was kind of impossible most of the time.

The car screeched to a halt. The doors were unlocked not a second after. In another whizz of light, Ana was already outside his door, opening it for him. "Hurry, hurry," she said impatiently, and when he got out, she dragged him off inside.

He wasn't quite sure what hit him the most: the smell of books, or Ana's excited squeal. He looked around, but she had already vanished off to some portion of the incredibly large bookstore. He gulped. _You hiked the entirety of Canada in less than a year,_ he reminded himself. _It's just a bookstore. And Ana only disappears at every other second._

He was really starting to regret bringing her to the bookstore. But then, it was either that, or deal with his cousins. Another shudder racked through his body. Nope, nope, mission abort - take Mission Library instead. He randomly picked out a random magazine, and flipped through it. Six tiny strips of paper fell out. Blinking, he picked them out, which gave everyone in the vicinity a nice view of his backside. Somebody whistled, and he resisted the urge to disembowel them. Yes, he knew that he had a nice butt. No need to overreact.

Matthew peered down at the papers. They seemed to be an application form.

Do you want to be a contestant on the INSPECT YOUR QUADRANTS reality TV show?  
Then sign up here, with your name, address, and gender! Check the boxes of the quadrants you've filled.   
Thank you for signing up! 

Well, it wasn't like they were going to get picked. Matthew pocketed the forms and decided to buy a pen while he was here. 


End file.
